Sunday, 10 September 2017

The most disgusting substance known to mankind




Picture this -  a beautiful blue-skied day -  sun is shining, birds are chirping, UNTIL you plant your FOOT in the most disgusting substance known to mankind DOG POO!

There are some strange and questionable ways people deal with this disaster.  Here are the ways I think are the most common.

Number one the list - is the dead leg drager.  They are very determined people, constantly shuffling their foot along the ground.
They take the struggle against dog poo as more of a mental battle  than a  physical one - as if the dog poo was inside your head and not on your foot.  This results in even more furious shuffling, until the dog poo either:

comes off - or -
spontaneously combusts from the friction of shoe and concrete. With the dog poo history, they walk off                        

AND THEN the next person comes along and steps on it and they have a different strategy...

The next strategy is called the crazy Kung fu  - these are, well… crazy people furiously kicking around screaming“Get it off get it off” -.  The dead leg dragers get annoyed at these people - saying “Don't let it get inside your head - this is a mental battle not a physical one” and the crazy Kung fu people reply “It's not in my head you dummy - it's on my foot ahhhhh!!!!”

AND THEN there is the make-the-worst-of-the-situation-and-have-a-mental-breakdown people.  After stepping in dog poo, the typical thoughts that go through their head are:

 oh no - I stepped in dog poo!
 and my foot stinks and everyone will call me stinky foot
and then I’ll have to burn the poo off and the chemicals will mix and then we're ever I am will explode
 and then the police will arrest me and then I'll get a criminal record
and the I won't get a good job
and then I'll have to sleep under a cold damp dark bridge AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Talk about over reacting right? (pause for end)

So on that perfect blue skied sunny day - just remember those little brown land mines could be waiting for you just around the corner.

My advice is keep a watchful eye out, never wear bare feet, or otherwise just stay at home!!


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The most disgusting substance known to mankind

Picture this -  a beautiful blue-skied day -  sun is shining, birds are chirping, UNTIL you plant your FOOT in the most disgusting substa...